Useless
by TheFluffyPrince
Summary: The relay was supposed to be Sousuke's time to shine. But instead, it turned his dream into a nightmare.


**A/N: So I made a post about SouMako body worship and really wanted to write it. So...yeah. So, I decided to go with a slight change with the story and went with a route of Sousuke being scouted regardless of his shoulder, but screwing up his chances during the relay.**

**Pairing: SouMako**

**Warning: Body worship, implied sexual content, angst**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Free!**

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><p>"I'm sorry to say that until your shoulder has healed up from surgery, I'm going to have to forbid you any further strenuous activity for the duration of the summer," the doctor sighed as he flipped through his notes. "Your shoulder has reached the point where any rough activity could ruin what little progress we have set up."<p>

Gritting his teeth tightly together, Sousuke moved off of the bed, his eyes blazing. "What do you mean, forbidden? I can't just stop my swimming regimen this summer! I _need _to be able to swim this summer. If I don't-" Sousuke found himself falling quiet as the doctor raised his hand, staring at him hard in disapproval.

"I have heard this all before, Yamazaki-san. I do understand that this is a precarious situation for you, but you must let your shoulder rest if you wish for it to get better. You are quite lucky that we were even able to repair the damage that was done to it."

Having no response, Sousuke just breathed out harshly through his nose. The doctor continued to drone on, giving him a list of recommended foods to eat, as well as stretches that would help strengthen his arm while putting as little stress on his shoulder as possible. Staring down at the list, Sousuke clenched his fingers into the paper, his lips pierced tightly together.

Makoto's head snapped up as the doors slammed open suddenly, Sousuke stalking out with an annoyed expression on his face. Standing up in an instant, Makoto ran over, stopping in front of Sousuke. His eyes immediately swept over the butterfly swimmer, lingering on his shoulder, to see if anything was out of order. Sousuke looked alright up close, although something in the other swimmer's eyes told him things weren't as peachy has he had hoped.

"Is everything alright?" Makoto asked softly, lifting his hand up to rest on Sousuke's good shoulder.

Huffing, Sousuke brushed off his hand before moving past him. Their shoulders brushed against each other and a tense atmosphere settled over Makoto as he slowly looked over his shoulder to where Sousuke was walking out of the hospital, his bag draped over his shoulder. Makoto had never seen Sousuke so angry, so upset before. Even when he had had to go in for his surgery, he never became truly angry. And yet now, Sousuke looked as though he was going to murder someone. Makoto eyebrows furrowed in worry and he turned to chase after Sousuke when the hospital doors opened once again, this time revealing a doctor, out of breath and clutching a clipboard.

"Yamazaki!" Looking around the lobby, the doctor snapped his head towards the entrance where Sousuke had left just a few seconds ago.

Looking at the doctor in confusion, Makoto moved over towards him, waving his hand to get his attention. "Umm...excuse me? I'm a friend of Yamazaki-kun. Was there something that he forgot?" he asked.

Looking up at him, the doctor sighed in relief and exasperation before handing over a packet of papers. "Yes. Yamazaki was supposed to take this as a reference for taking care of that shoulder of his. I suppose he must have forgotten it in his hurry to get out of here. Would you mind handing this to him if you see him?"

Nodding his head, Makoto took the packet of papers and stared at the pages for a moment before biting his bottom lip. "...Doctor? Is...is he going to be alright? I mean, his shoulder isn't that bad, right?"

The doctor sighed and moved the clipboard under his arm, scratching the back of his head. "I'm afraid that I can't disclose any information about Yamazaki, although I will say that he will be alright. He just needs a few months of rest before he can get back to where he was prior to his relapse." The doctor gave a pitying look at Makoto before shaking his head. "He was a talented individual. It is quite a shame to see him in such a state now..."

Unable to say anything, Makoto just watched the doctor as he walked away. Blinking slowly, he gazed down at the papers in his head, let out a shuddering breath. Sitting right on top of the pile was a doctor's note, reading how Sousuke would need to stop all swimming activities for the remainder of the summer. Makoto's breathing stopped for a moment as he read the note before he slowly looked up at the spot where Sousuke had left.

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><p>The water was burning hot as it ran down Sousuke's body in the shower. He leaned against the back wall, staring blankly at the ceiling as his hand clutched his shoulder tightly. He had taken off the bandages, against doctors orders, revealing the ugly scar underneath left from the surgery. It was still sensitive and the hot water that would occasionally splash up on his arm made him wince in pain.<p>

His mind kept racing back to the relay, those last moments replaying constantly in his head. He actually didn't remember much other than the fact that he had felt a blinding pain in his shoulder before he blacked out in the water. He had caught sight of Rin staring down at him in horror and worry before his vision swam and went out. But not only that, he also saw several of the scouts watching the match staring sharply at him.

Letting out a harsh breath, Sousuke clenched his eyes shut and slowly sank to the shower floor, the water hitting him right in the face for a moment. It didn't faze him however, as he was too caught up in his thoughts.

He would have to give up swimming for several months in order to give his shoulder a rest. He couldn't swim like he wanted to, couldn't exercise like he needed to, he probably wouldn't even be able to go to practices like he would want to. Sousuke's throat closed up with emotion as tears of frustration came to his eyes. Hand moving up and clutching onto his hair, he let out a soft sob before curling up, shoulder throbbing fainting in reminder. Even though the doctor had said that it would only be a few months, Sousuke knew better.

He knew he would probably never be able to swim competitively ever again.

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><p>As Makoto entered the house, he heard the soft sound of the shower going. Glancing at the clock, he realized that it was nearly five in the afternoon, way too early for Sousuke to be taking a shower. Placing the papers that he had gotten from the hospital on the nearby table, he walked down the hall. A pit of worry sank into his stomach as he walked further down the hall. He could swear that he heard someone panting harshly or perhaps sobbing, but he just shook his head. There was no way. His ears were probably just playing games with him.<p>

Stopping in front of the bathroom, Makoto raised his hand to knock on the door when he stilled. The noise that he had heard earlier repeated, only this time it was much louder. Now that he was closer to the door, he could definitely hear someone crying. He recognized the deep timber of the voice, and it made Makoto's heart stopped at the heart-wrenching sound. Never during the course of their relationship had Makoto ever heard Sousuke cry before. He had never even seen him cry in front of him, the other male preferring to keep that side to himself. A small part of his mind thought about just leaving Sousuke alone, hesitant as to whether or not he'd actually be welcome by his boyfriend.

But that thought was quickly squashed by the larger part of Makoto that was worried about Sousuke and his well-being. His boyfriend may end up being pissed at him (really pissed), but making sure that he was alright was higher on Makoto's list than keeping on his good side. So, pushing back the fear that Sousuke would lash out at him for bursting in, Makoto opened the bathroom door, only to stop in shock.

The shower curtain was pushed all the way to the side, revealing Sousuke on his knees in the shower, clutching onto his shoulder and gritting his teeth. Water was cascading down his face and body, steam rising up in the air. Makoto couldn't quite tell if he was actually crying or not, but he could see tremors shaking through the other male's body. It was an utterly heartbreaking sight.

Slowly making his way into the room, Makoto carefully navigated through the bathroom, careful not to step on his boyfriend's clothes. It only took a few seconds for him to reach the edge of the tub, where he knelt down and stared at Sousuke for a moment. His hand lifted up, hovering over his boyfriend's shoulder for a moment, not quite sure what to do. He wanted nothing more than to gather Sousuke in his arms and hold him until he felt better. But he also didn't want to startle Sousuke (the other male obviously didn't hear him come in, so he could only imagine how he'd react if he knew Makoto was watching him right now) and cause the other male to close himself off and possibly hurt himself.

Makoto never had the chance to make his choice. As his hand accidentally grazed against Sousuke's skin, things spiraled into madness in an instant. Sousuke's head shot up, red-shot eyes staring at him in horror and outrage. The butterfly swimmer tried to stand up quickly, only for his feet to slip on the wet shower floor.

Hands shooting out in an instant, Makoto jumped into the shower and caught Sousuke before he ended up falling on his face. Makoto winced at the awkward position, slowly trying to move Sousuke into a more comfortable position. His sock-clad feet insisted on slipping in the water, but Makoto thankfully found his balance to be able to support himself and Sousuke. However, his boyfriend seemed to have a different agenda, as he pushed himself away from Makoto with a scowl, clutching at his shoulder in pain. Makoto stared up at Sousuke, his boyfriend's back blocking the spray of water still going on.

"Sousuke-"

"I don't want to hear it, Makoto. I'm fine. Just leave me alone," Sousuke bit out, moving to turn the shower off.

Normally, that would put an end to the conversation, with Makoto backing off in an instant. However, this time, Makoto refused to back down. "But you're not fine, Sousuke! You're grabbing at your shoulder in pain in the shower! Your injured shoulder that you shouldn't have taken the bandage off of in the first place, which we'll talk about later. And you nearly fell down on top of all that! What if I hadn't been here to catch you?" Makoto argued, glaring at Sousuke.

"If you hadn't have been there, I wouldn't have slipped in the first place," Sousuke shouted back, his face slowly becoming red from exertion. He stepped forward a bit, his breath brushing over Makoto's face.

"You don't know if you would have or not! Dammit Sousuke, would it kill you to accept help from someone for one day in your life when you need it?!" Tears of frustration were starting to come to Makoto's eyes and he knew that he was probably about five seconds from breaking out into tears.

Seeming to sense that, Sousuke just let out a rough sigh before shaking his head and holding his hand up. "Just forget it, Makoto. There's no point in arguing, when neither of us is willing to bend," he said before moving to step out of the shower.

Someone up above seemed to have it out for Sousuke, because he found himself slipping once again on the wet tile, eyes widening in horror as he fell back. The entire moment passed by in slow motion, neither male feeling as though they could move fast enough. Makoto gasped and reached out to grab Sousuke's hand. However, their fingers slipped right through each other, and Makoto had to watch as his boyfriend of six months fell against the wall of the shower, his bad shoulder hitting the wall directly.

A loud scream of pain left Sousuke's mouth and he doubled over instantly, body trembling horribly. A horrified cry left Makoto's mouth and he instantly moved towards Sousuke, trying to hold the other male in his arms while gauging how the male was fairing. "Sousuke?! Sousuke, can you hear me!? Do you need to go to the hospital?! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to start arguing with you. This is all my fault! If I hadn't been nagging out in here, you wouldn't have fallen down and now your shoulder is probably permanently messed up because I'm such an idiot-"

A hand pressed against his mouth insistently, causing Makoto to stop talking in an instant, tears falling down his cheeks. He looked down to see Sousuke staring at him, face still twisted up in pain, but an exasperated expression on his face. "M-Makoto...shut...up..."

"Shut up?! How can I just shut up when-" Sousuke cut Makoto off again, this time with a light slap on his cheek.

"I'm...fine. Just...help me...to the living room...," the black-haired male gritted out. His fingers were digging into the skin of his shoulder and Makoto could see the skin turning red, with a hint of blue around the spot that hit directly against the wall.

Makoto's mouth opened, as though he wanted to say something else, but he shut it after a few seconds, nodding his head in agreement. Now wasn't the time to argue. Piercing his lips together, he maneuvered them both so that most of Sousuke's weight was leaning on him. Choking back the tears that threatened to come out, Makoto slowly moved Sousuke so that he was out of the bathroom, a wet trail following behind them.

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><p>A tense silence engulfed the two males as they sat in the living room. Sousuke stared at the adjacent wall with a glare, his hand still cradling his throbbing shoulder. The pain had thankfully dulled to the point where he wasn't about to cry, although it was still a constant irritant. Makoto, in the meantime, was looking back and forth between Sousuke and his lap, not quite sure what to say or do. His hands were in his lap, wringing themselves as he tried to think of something to say.<p>

What did he say that didn't sound as though he was pitying Sousuke, or mothering him too much? There wasn't much, and at this point, Makoto was afraid of irritating Sousuke more than he was already irritated. So, he just sat there uncomfortably, nibbling his bottom lip.

Suddenly, a loud sigh pierced the air, causing Makoto to jump in shock. He looked over to where Sousuke was sitting, noticing that his boyfriend was looking at him in annoyance. "Will you stop sitting there wallowing in pity and just say whatever it is that's on your mind. It's getting kind of aggravating to see you squirm around," the butterfly swimmer said.

Frowning a bit, Makoto moved his hands so that they were no longer in his lap. "I am not wallowing in pity."

"Then what do you call it? Cause it sure looks like self-pity to me," Sousuke shot back, not amused in the least.

Leaning forward a bit, Makoto glared at Sousuke. "Perhaps I was just worried about you and am not sure what to say. Did you ever think about that?"

Scoffing, Sousuke rolled his eyes. "Please Makoto. I know you. You like shouldering the blame for a lot of things, even things that weren't in your power. There's no use feeling sorry for yourself when you haven't done bullshit."

"If there's anyone in here feeling sorry for themselves, that's you," Makoto said blankly, complete seriousness tinged in his voice.

Sousuke couldn't help himself; he laughed loudly. "Me? Feeling sorry for myself?"

Nodding his head, Makoto frowned sadly. "Ever since the relay, you've closed yourself off from me and the rest of your team. You haven't been eating normally, I know you haven't been sleeping well, and you've been overexerting yourself. You can't even do regular household chores without your shoulder hurting," he remarked, frustrated expression coming to the backstroke swimmer's face.

"We barely talk anymore, Sousuke. We used to go out on dates all the time, used to make love every week, used to hold each other and just say how much we loved each other...Do you remember the last time we've actually sat down and had a decent dinner together that wasn't take-out?" Makoto asked, raising an eyebrow in expectation.

Sousuke's eyebrows furrowed and he opened his mouth to answer when he stilled. His eyes flickered all over the room, trying to pinpoint exactly the answer that he was seeking, only to find that he wasn't exactly sure. If Makoto was actually telling the truth (and Sousuke knew deep down that Makoto wasn't lying) and he had changed since the relay, then it had been several weeks since they had actually been together. He hadn't noticed anything particularly different about the way he was acting, but apparently, Makoto had.

While Sousuke thought to himself, Makoto continued talking. "We just want what's best for you, Sousuke. I want what's best for you. I know you want to be scouted, and I definitely think that if your shoulder hadn't given out, you would be scouted by the top schools in the country in an instant. But at this rate, you're going to drive yourself into the ground."

Sousuke's eyes narrowed. "What's best for me? What would you know what's best for me? What would _any of you_ know what's best for me, when you don't even know how I feel right now?!" Sousuke bit out angrily, picking up the pillow next to him and throwing it to the floor in anger.

Flinching back at the sharp movement, Makoto held up his hands in surrender. "Sousuke-"

"No. Just listen to me right now Makoto. You guys have absolutely no clue what I am feeling right now. Do you know what it feels like to have your one chance at your dream taken away in an instant? Do you know what it's like to see everything fading away, darkness surrounding you? Do you know what it's like, to get a letter in the mail saying that you're not longer being scouted due to an injury that is two years old, but just won't seem to go away?! _Do you know what that feels like?! It's fucking unbearable!_" Sousuke shouted, standing up from his seat on the couch.

Makoto stared at Sousuke incredulously as Sousuke trembled in front of him, eyes swimming with tears. He...he had had no idea...about any of that. Sure, he knew that things were bad for Sousuke, and that his career with swimming was looking bleak. He could even tell that something was eating at his boyfriend, if his irritable mood and sudden distance said anything. But he had never known that his chance of competitive swimming had been revoked. He remembered how excited Sousuke had become when he first got the letter in the mail. He had looked as though he couldn't believe what was happening (which is understandable, since his injury was two years old).

Makoto looked down at his lap. He had never thought about what it would be like to never be able to swim again, against his free will. For as long as he could remember, he had always been able to swim (excluding the time when he quit for personal reasons). Makoto always took that for granted, never really thinking that he could suffer from a swimming injury. Sousuke was living that nightmare, and was really hurting as a result.

Sousuke continued talking, drawing Makoto out of his thoughts. "You don't know...what it's like...to feel so...useless...I feel so fucking useless, because the only dream that I had was taken away from me, and now...I don't know what to do...I just don't know...," Sousuke trailed off, his shoulders shaking and several tears trailing down his face before he wiped it away quickly.

Unable to watch the sight any longer, Makoto stood up and moved over to his boyfriend, pulling him into his arms. A grunt left Sousuke's mouth and for a moment, he struggled in Makoto grasp. However, when Makoto suddenly pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder, he froze up. Not quite sure if he did something wrong, Makoto locked eyes with Sousuke. His boyfriend was looking at him in shock, tears still running down his face. Taking that as a cue that it was alright(?), Makoto pressed another kiss against Sousuke's shoulder, his hands rubbing up and down the other male's body.

"You are not useless, Sousuke. You are anything but useless," Makoto said with conviction, slowly pushing Sousuke back until his knees hit the edge of the couch, causing him to fall down onto the seat. Without a moment's hesitation, he crawled into Sousuke's lap, hands moving down to interlace themselves with his boyfriend's.

Sousuke stared up at Makoto with wide eyes. "W-what are you...?"

"I'm showing you that you're not useless, Sousuke," Makoto answered before he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Sousuke's temple before he moved down to his neck.

A strangled groan left the butterfly swimmer's mouth and his grip on Makoto's hands tightened. "Y-you can't-"

Makoto just hummed, ignoring Sousuke's protests as he moved to his shoulder, pulling the towel that was hiding the body part away. In the back of his mind, Makoto reminded himself to scold Sousuke on removing his bandages before he was supposed to. His fingers slowly moved to the reddened skin, eyes narrowed in concentration. His fingers brushed against the scar left over from Sousuke's surgery. It was an reminder of what his boyfriend had gone through.

"So beautiful...," Makoto said softly before showering the patch of skin with more kisses and caresses.

Sousuke let out a choked sound, his hands moving up to Makoto's chest. "W-what are you doing-?!" his statement was cut off by another noise leaving Sousuke's mouth as Makoto pressed another kiss against his body.

Eyes flickering up to his boyfriend's face, Makoto moved away from his shoulder for a moment. "Giving you the attention you deserve," he answered simply.

Looking at Makoto incredulously, Sousuke's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "W-what? Why...why would you..." he trailed off once again, not sure what to say.

Cracking a small smile, Makoto leaned forward again, his lips brushing over Sousuke's. "You deserve the world, Sousuke. I know you don't feel that way, especially when it comes to your shoulder," Makoto said, his hand resting on Sousuke's shoulder. "But I love you. I would give the entire world to you if I could. And I want you to let me do that. Let me love you, and show you how much I love you, injured shoulder or not."

Sousuke stared up at Makoto with wide eyes, mouth open. Makoto chuckled softly before going back to what he was doing, smiling against Sousuke's shoulder as his boyfriend clutched at his clothes tightly, whimpering softly.

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><p><strong>AN: *slowly rolls to the moon* The editing/pacing in this is so horrendous I want to slap myself for how shitty it is. **


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